This mom has some perfect ways to respond to sassy kids who need help refining their message so they can be heard—without losing their spark
There’s a lot to be said for a sassy kid—they’re never going to let anyone walk all over them. But it’s still up to us—the fully formed adults—to teach them when to rein it in a little to avoid going too far. One mom on TikTok has three perfect responses to help your bold kid communicate with a bit less attitude.
Parenting coach Destini Ann describes her own daughter as “spicy and sassy,” someone who knows how to “assert herself” and “advocate for herself”—some truly amazing traits. But sometimes she does “cross that line,” Destini notes. So these are the things she tells her daughter.
“Number one: Your message is getting lost in your mess,” she shares in her now-viral video. “I know you have a really important message. I care about that message. The package is a little off.”
She continues, “Number two: Do you want to be heard, or do you want to be understood? Raising volume is probably not going to result in collaboration.”
And finally: “Can you turn that into a question? Because requests go so much further than demands.”
Destini finishes her video with some praise for her daughter.
“I think she’s going to be an incredible woman,” she says. “I think she’s going to be a great leader. We just gotta get there.”
In a follow-up video, she gave some examples of how she uses these lines when her kids talk to her “like they’re paying bills.”
For example, when her daughter says, “You’re the worst mom ever. You don’t even play with me,” Destini responds, “I am going to play with you at 11:30 when I finish working. I hear your message. You just really want to play. But don’t let that awesome message get lost in your mess, OK?”
And in another follow-up to parents, she notes, “Instead of saying, ‘Stop whining,’ say this: ‘Ask for what you need. Make a request. Do you have a question?'”
She adds, “Works every time,” then quickly amends that to, “Works most of the time.”
Relatable, because as moms know, nothing works every time.