A childhood trauma therapist is giving parents her top list of things she wants them to stop doing to their kids—and they’re striking a chord
For so many people of all ages, trauma begins in childhood. No one has perfect parents. Many of us have parents who have carried forward their own childhood trauma, and, not knowing any different, continued those patterns with their own kids. Morgan Pommells, a childhood trauma therapist from Ontario, Canada, is taking to Instagram to share the 12 things she begs parents to stop doing to their kids, and it’s striking a chord with so many people.
In a series of posts, Pommells shared the list, three items at a time.
“Parenting is stressful and no one expects parents to do it perfectly,” she wrote. “Children don’t even need perfect parenting — they just need ‘safe parenting.'”
The first three items on the list? Yelling at your kids as soon as you get home from work, giving the silent treatment to the whole family when you’re upset, and waking your children up with aggression.
“Your children are not receptacles for your unresolved and unmanaged emotions,” she wrote. “When you rely on your children to manage your emotions, you put an undue and unfair burden on them. In my practice, I often see this lead to deep feelings of anxiety, guilt, and shame.”
From the comments, it’s clear that some of them are striking a chord with Pommells’ followers.
“The silent treatment did so much damage for me 😢 I perceive lapses in communication as punishment even when it has nothing to do with me – which is MY responsibility to fix but lawd it’s hard,” one commenter wrote.
Another added, “When I was a kid my mom told me she always wanted a boy and not a girl. Then said it doesn’t really matter as long as baby was healthy, but that first part was telling and has always stuck with me. I once had a small disagreement with her too and her sister, my aunt, sighed and said ‘I’m so glad I only had boys.’ My brother was far and away the Golden Child, even got more food, more lunch money, more expensive xmas gifts.”
As Pommells states in her posts, parenting doesn’t come with a guidebook or instructions.
“To be clear: I firmly believe that 99.9% of parents are doing the absolute best they can,” she wrote. “Most of these mistakes are made at a subconscious level. But that doesn’t mean they are without consequences or that we shouldn’t strive for better.”